Should there be specialness in love? What does that even mean?
I believe along our yearning for love, we all yearn also for specialness. To be special and to have someone special.
In a family, parents try their best not to have favourites. Yet the children desire to be a parent’s favourite. The child left feeling less loved vows not to have favourites among their own children.
Some people believe God has favoured some above others. Those among these believers that think themselves disadvantaged in this specialness in God’s love for His children, end up with so much anger towards God, seeing a great unjustness.
In a romantic relationship we love to hear just how much special we are to our significant other, and enjoys as much the feeling of how special they are to us.
There is a paradox here. In that as much as we desire specialness, we also clearly see something superbly wrong with it. Why do we desire for that which when not directed at us makes everything so unfair?
To be made special, is for others not to be special.
Anyone who understands love, knows that love has no favourites. How can there be specialness then in love?
In ACIM and ACOL we are encouraged to move from special relationships to holy ones.
Special relationships includes what we have with lovers, friends, family,etc. Any time we deem someone, some group, something more important than others, more deserving of our love than others, we are treating them special.
To have holy relationships is to love all equally. There isn’t a special love for a husband, different from another special love for a friend. If it comes to supporting one, you support the one who needs it more, the one whom right will be done by, and not the one you love more. Because you love them both equally.
Specialness is so much a part of us we don’t even see when we are doing just that.
Take a typical Ghanaian gathering, a festive reception, a wedding, a funeral, with family, friends, acquaintances,etc.
It’s time for food, instead of everyone being ushered in a nice manner for their food, anyone hosting or highly linked to the host goes and serve their special people. If you are not favoured then, you sit annoyed at the unfairness and how if you don’t watch it may not get any food.
However when the table turns, we do the exact same thing.
Imagine if there was no specialness. And all your guests are of equal importance to you. Like girlfriends at a shower or bachelorette party. No one serves the other, and if there’s serving it’s not in this person is important and has to be served first. Yet there’s no complaints. Everyone is happy.
So much that looks wrong with our world is due to specialness. And I admit it’s a difficult thing to let go off. Even when we do see the truth in it, we still want at least one person to deem us special. Whom we will make special in return.
We seek this because to some level we do recognize that we are indeed special. We all are, and uniquely so. We are all equally special. Special to ourselves, to our existence, to our Creator.
We err only when we desire for ourselves or another to be more special than the rest.
Instead of specialness, let us rather devote ourselves to love. Love as explained in 1 Corinthians 13. A love that does not celebrate injustices, unfairness.
When love is the basis of all that we do, we correct acts of specialness in our lives that we were not even aware of.
In all our dealings, may we remember to ask for Love’s opinion. What will love have me do? What will love have me say?
We can doubt all the various beliefs, doubt heaven and hell, doubt this post, but deep within we do know that Love is. It is the one thing we can trust when it’s well understood and expressed. Choose only love always.
Thank you all so much for reading and a very happy weekend. 🥰🥳😍❤️✌🏾🤩