True Forgiveness

Some weeks ago, my girlfriends and I had a Zoom meeting just to see each other and cheer ourselves during quarantine. It was a very fun experience and I’m looking forward to when we do it again.

During our conversation one friend made a reference to Tyler Perry’s If Loving You Is Wrong, asking us how we’d react in a situation of having a spouse cheat and impregnate another. Whether we’d forgive or not.
I asked her what her feelings had been while watching the show, whether she hoped the husband forgives his wife? She did not get my question though and we soon drifted away from the topic.

This is what I’ve learned on forgiveness. That true forgiveness looks beyond error. It’s not a forgive but can’t forget thing. True forgiveness keeps no memory of error at all.
That we should forgive simply for forgiveness sake. We’ve been told time and again that forgiving does ourselves more good than the one we forgive.

Every mistake made in this our world can be forgiven. Anything you believe God can forgive, you can forgive.
It’s only dependent on how quickly one forgives.

To forgive a cheating partner does not necessarily mean you continue to be together. It means that if you do separate it’s not because of not forgiving the cheating, but because you both agree it’s best you were apart. Maybe one claims to have fallen in love with another, or one is now living for themselves and need that change.

When there’s true forgiveness, you still love the persons you forgave just as you did before or even more. You are happy to see them and hold no grudges.

I love the TV show Grace and Frankie because it potrayed this kind of forgiveness. Especially from Frankie. These are women whose husbands for 20years of their marriage were having a gay affair behind their backs. That’s definitely got to hurt, because they were friends. That’s like having your spouse not go far away to cheat but sleep with your closest friend right under your nose. And Grace and Frankie did hurt. They went through all the emotions people go through in such situations. Taking longer for Grace than Frankie. And then they forgave. True forgiveness.
Now both their ex husbands are married together as a couple and they all are still together, more than friends even, but as one big family. They all support each other, are there for each other.

And forgiving is actually not a difficult thing to do at all. Though it appears it comes easier for some than others. Whatever hurtful situation you encounter, you will forgive one day. Except if you don’t value peace nor want it in your life.

When I watched If Loving You Is Wrong, I hoped the man would forgive his wife. It’s just like how when we watch Mexican soaps and we hope the two lovers would be together at the end, even though the man is already married to another.
On screen, we see all aspects of the story, all characters, all secrets, all real remorse and fake ones. When watching a movie, we are like an all seeing, all knowing god. And from that point we call for love to reign.

We should remember to call on love to reign in our own lives as well. Even when we can’t see nor know all there is to it. And what we see only but increases pain in our hearts. Always call on love.

I’ve learned that all feelings comes from love. Be it anger, hatred, joy, etc. We get angry when we see that love is lacking. It’s from our understanding of love that we notice all that we deem unfair and gets us mad.
But it is our response to the feeling that can be guided by either love or fear.

So it’s okay to be angry, and sad, and all the negative emotions, but before you respond to these emotions, breathe and choose love as the guide.

True love begets true forgiveness. Learn to be able to forgive all things. Knowing that when we forgive, we are forgiven.

Forgive God for creating a world that seems super insane.
Forgive the world for being the way it is.
Forgive someone for being themselves, mistakes and all.
Forgive YOURSELF for being who you are.

Let love lead always.❤️🥰✌🏾

12 Replies to “True Forgiveness”

  1. To forgive is to stop feeling angry and upset. I like that definition from Webster’s. It really points to what a healthy thing forgiving is and it clears that frame that says forgiving is somehow about other’s behavior. We do what we do and no one forgets. Thanks for this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I love this even better. Truly it’s to let go off the negative emotions attached to the situation. Some people remember past hurts and still feel the things they felt then like it was happening all over again. So to not have memory of the hurt, stopping the feeling of anger, that’s it. We definitely won’t really forget the event itself. Thanks Bryan for the additional input, really appreciate.❤️✌🏾

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Forgetting scars received from loved ones is not easy. I personally never let go, anyone easily escape after hurting me. I prefer to keep the burns alive, instead. This feeling keeps me in an advantageous position against the person responsible. Forgiving without tendering apology and realization of the mistake is not a wise act. It will entice the offender to do it once more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My mum shares similar view to you and she hurts almost all the time. For her it doesn’t help cos the person continues to do it anyway and she can’t let go either, so she’s always hurting. If for you that brings peace, then good for you. So long as we are truly happy and at peace, it’s all that matters.

      Liked by 1 person

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